skies
i missed my flight
and there is nothing left to do but be okay. i took the bus from london to rotterdam instead. one thing about that is i got to see a whole day of skies. how lucky is that? a melange of them: baby blue to start, tall towers of cumulus washed in lemonade sunrise.
the sky when we stopped to cross the sea: marvellous, cloudless, deep. mature rusty patina in belgium gleaming off the buildings and roads and my own face. i am lucky to be lit by light, to have a friend to travel to.
i think of how horrified my mother would be if she knew i missed my flight. we are so alike: same proportions, same fears, same pains. the difference then is maybe my future is still unwritten, still open, possible.
i struggle with needing to know because i’m in such a rush to know myself. who am i and what kinds of choices will i make? for my mother they have largely been made. maybe in this respect i owe it to her to feel lucky. my pain is her pain and all i can do is minimize it.
one more sky: dusty grey-blue gradient fading into pale yellow, broken in points by silent windmills.