new year's eve
we drove up central street. it was almost midnight and we were still stuck in traffic when the fireworks started to go off. my brother pulled into an alley, where we had a clear view across the field. a lady shouted at us that we were blocking someone's garage. laughing about it to ourselves. in the car we chose each of our first songs of 2026. mine was club can't handle me by flo rida. when we pulled into our old neighbourhood we reminisced our own memories of our moms asking us to get the mail and neighbours with christmas lights and rollerblading in the driveway. my friend waved goodbye from her porch. my brother needed to pee so we pulled into the patch of trees. i read my book by streetlight as he stopped to meet his friend. it was 1:30am.
i feel like there is something permanently wrong with me. as we drove home my brother attempted to give me advice. apparently focusing on the problem makes the problem worse. evidently i am not doing a good enough job at convincing anyone i am the true victim. my book says i will have to dampen my ambitions, because there just isn't enough time. this is without even knowing about the illness, and perfectionism. this is the part where i lose all semblance of a tether to what i used to think i want.